Betsy Lies....

This is for anyone who ever hears my wife tell stories about the things that I do at home, or ways that I help Betsy out. This could include chores, caring for the girls, basically anything that can be defined as doing my share. So to her awesome co-workers and especially their spouses who may have heard bits of the lies that Betsy said about me and believed it. I think it's awesome that she is so believable and that she says so many nice things about me, but...

I want to make it clear that I ONLY do the bare minimum of everything I can and I try to get out of everything possible. I am as lazy as you will get from a husband. I like to just sit on the couch with the TV on and play games on my cell phone. I don't even think I average a shower a day (more like once or twice a week). Basically, I love to go to my "nothing box" and well, do NOTHING. I make every possible attempt to ignore any requests made by Betsy. I like to sit in a chair in my garage wearing only my underwear, maybe a tank top and stare at the neighbors occasionally throwing rocks at them. I leave my clothes all over the house, I do NOT put any dishes away. If she asks me to go to the store for something specific, and I CHOOSE to go, I never get the right items and usually buy things we do not need or things that I think are cool.

Now, I did recently clean the entire house, but before you get any weird ideas that I do this often...I DON'T (once a year). My favorite in-laws were coming to town for a special occasion celebrating just how awesome their daughter is and remind me what a bum I am, so I felt a little ambitious and motivated to do a little more this time. If I could have hired a service, I would have. Now that I think about it, I cannot understand why I did not do that. I could have easily found someone walking around aimlessly looking for work. Yeah, we may have lost some things to theft, but at the end of the day, I could have napped all day and the house would have been cleaner than it was before. Maybe not be much, but a little.

It's funny now that I think about it, but I remember the way that my mom would clean the house while my dad only worked. He would come home and go to the garage and tinker with things, come inside and eat dinner and go back to the garage for some more tinkering before coming back inside for a little television and then to bed. He pretty much came and went as he pleased with 8 monster kids even before me. Now I see where your going with this (Betsy you too). If that was the life I wanted, then I did something terribly wrong when I married Betsy, because she is not that kind of person, nor will she ever be which is just the way I like her.

Regardless of how awesome Betsy may be (she is), she has many faults (more than me), like lying. She must have gotten that from her mother (just kidding Judy). So when she is telling you stories about how much I help her, or anything that sounds too good to be true, keep believing it!

Thanks Betsy! You amazing lovable human! There is no one better (outside Maura and Mollie)!!